I almost didn’t want to blog tonight. I had gotten off of work at midnight, and came home at about 12:30 greeted by a wonderful headache. I say that sarcastically.
However, I felt weird going to bed before I finished up my readings for the day. I felt weird going to bed before I blogged about what’s on my mind.
I’ve started reading this book called “Becoming Myself” by Stasi Eldredge. I’m about halfway through, but tonights chapter hit me hard.
It was about friendship. Good qualities, bad qualities, do’s and don’ts, letting people go because you love them. Letting people go because you’re selfless.
This book was written for women, christian women. This chapter, about friendship, got me thinking about the last few years of my life.
In middle school and high school, I had a small group of friends. Men and women. As we got older, our schedules changed, some of us drifted apart. Some of us stabbed the other in the back. I fell victim to this.
A few months ago, who I thought was my “best friend” had unfriended me from facebook. Granted it has been awhile since we talked (I’ll get more into that here in a bit), but I still enjoyed seeing what was going on in her life through her posts. Without a word, she was gone.
This hurt, really bad. This made me not trust women at all. This made me scared to trust women, so I found comfort in the fellowship of men (this all happened before I became saved). They were amazing! They listened, offered advice (which was convenient when I had a crush on some guy, they could give me a man’s perspective on what they do if they like a girl). However, there were still some things I couldn’t talk to them about. Sure, they’d give me chocolate when I needed it (ladies, you know what I’m talking about). However, I still longed for that closeness with a woman. I still longed for that close friendship with a woman. I let my guard of trust get in the way of that.
Even when I did have friends in high school, I put expectations on them (which was a HUGE mistake). I thought that if they didn’t text me or call me every single day, it automatically meant that they didn’t care. It took a long time for me to learn that we don’t have time to sit on our phones and have a conversation all day every day (I know, it’s sad that I even thought that). Though at the time, because it’s what I believed, I rarely talked to anybody. I had that “why bother, they don’t talk to me. If they wanted to talk to me, then they would have.” mentality. It took a long time for me to learn that it’s a two way street and both parties have to be involved.
It also took me a long time for me to learn that having women friends is just as important has having man friends. Let’s be real, if you’re cramping up can you really talk to a guy about that?
The second thing I had to learn was that people will come and go in our lives. It’s a normal thing. Very rarely will we find somebody that will have a lasting friendship. We are meant to let people go, not out of hate, but out of love. Recognizing that we are going separate ways in life, not because we no longer like that person.
Now? Now I have the most amazing set of friends I could have ever asked for. A healthy mix of men and women. Not only are they there for me when I need them, but they also hold me accountable. They are honest, they don’t beat around the bush. It’s so much easier not having to put that “they need to call and/or text me every single day” expectation. Just because they don’t talk to every day, does not automatically mean they don’t care.
Besides, it’s really rare that we talk one on one outside of meeting physically. We have a whole group chat dedicated to that and it’s great.
I thank God everyday for them.
Photo by Chang Duong on Unsplash