Tag Archives: human

Isaiah 41:10

Tonight, I felt the need to blog. Since the move, things have been going great. Until recently.

Before I explain, I need to start off by saying that I don’t have the best driving record out there. About a month after moving, I get a letter from Michigan’s DMV saying that my license has been indefinitely suspended because I failed to appear to a drivers reexamination. However, I never got the notification to appear. So I called them. After being on hold for about an hour, they said that they sent a notification out on October 12. Days after I had made the move.

In order to get my license back, I had to have a doctor fill out a form and send it back to Michigan’s DMV. I can’t get a PA license until this is cleared.

I got the form completed, and I sent it out. However, part of me is scared that I’ll never get my license back (it’s a bit extreme, I know). Then this verse popped up. Isaiah 41:10.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

From what I gather after reading the chapter, is that God is speaking to the people of Israel. They don’t have to be afraid, because God will help them through.

I sit here and I think about how far God has gotten me. I managed to get myself out of a sticky situation when I got stranded in Ohio. He has provided for me financially to go back to Michigan for the rest of my things. He has given me a job to help pay the bills and a way to continue my education. So what makes this situation any different? Why am I so afraid?

I may not know what God’s plan is for me. My life is a bunch of tiny puzzle pieces that will come together when I die. I won’t get to see the puzzle until I die. I’m living in the unknown.

God works in mysterious ways, and I can’t just keep taking my own self will back every time things don’t go my way. That my friends, is my biggest problem. I know he provides, and rewards the faithful. So what am I so afraid of? Deep down, I know I’ll get my license back. So why am I so worried?

The best logical answer I can come up with is that I’m only human. I’m not perfect, I never will be perfect. The best I can do is base my decisions on what the Lord is saying to me, and what He wants me to do. That can only be accomplished if I’m willing to listen. If I’m not willing to listen then it’s never going to work.

When the Israelites were traveling to the Promised Land, I’m sure that things weren’t going their way.

No journey is easy. That’s why we have to trust in The Plan. We have to trust that these puzzle pieces that we call our lives will join together one day and create a beautiful masterpiece. We have to remain faithful. I have to remain faithful.

Photo by Dave Poore on Unsplash

I Surrendered My Heart: Completely

“I will give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit in you and move you to follow my decrees and be careful to keep my laws.” Ezekiel 36:26-27

I have surrendered before, but not whole-heartedly. The bible even says that we should hand our whole heart over to the Lord. Proverbs 23:26 says, “My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways.”

Notice that it doesn’t say My son, let your eyes observe my ways then give me your heart. That’s not how it works. Faith is believing in the unseen.

I love what 2 Corinthians 4:18 has to say about this. “As we look not to the things that are seen, but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal.”

But the things that are unseen are eternal.

Let that sink in for a minute.

With that being said, I surrendered my heart. I asked God to give me a new heart, and to bring Jesus into my life. I’ve learned more about Jesus and God in the last couple of weeks than I have the entire (almost) 22 years I have been alive.

I am nowhere near perfect. I am nowhere near deserving of this unconditional love that God gave me by sending his son to die for my sins. I am a mortal. A broken mortal. But if there’s anything that I have learned, it’s that God uses broken people for his glory. I mean Jesus associated with the broken people in His lifetime.

How can one be saved by Jesus if he/she was never broken to begin with? If we were never broken to begin with, we wouldn’t need to be saved. Now would we?

One of my biggest problems was men. I am friends with mostly men (I’ve been praying for that to change), I want a real romantic relationship with a man and I am so boy crazy that I go chasing love to try and fill that empty void that I have had.

When my sponsor told me that she wanted me to stay single for a year, I (internally) freaked out. How am I going to do this? I can’t do this! I like looking at them too much.

Today, I’m not freaking out. I have Jesus. He is the only Love that I need right now. And I intend to use the next 365 days wisely. I want to continue to grow in His word and let his Spirit move me in ways I won’t be able to fathom. I’m looking forward to this journey now. God has someone for me, but in His time and He wants me to know Him first.

Thank you all for going on this journey with me. I am excited for the future.

I was lost, but I have been found again.

Photo by Steve Halama on Unsplash

Discouragement and Staying Sober

When I started this blog, I got really excited about being able to share my stories with the world. I was excited about knowing that I could make an impact to somebody, anybody.

However, today, I came across a blog that I thought was a lot better than mine. I didn’t get jealous, but I started to question what the point was with me doing this. I began to doubt myself, and more importantly, I began to doubt God.

I don’t want this blog to be about being “the perfect Christian.” This blog is far from. Besides, nobody is perfect. Plus, the word perfect is so relative anyway. It’s not a good word.

I want this blog to be about the daily struggles that ALL christians have. We all get mad at God, we all doubt God sometimes, and we all feel like God is not there. However, we have to make a conscious effort to remind ourselves that God never turns our back on us and that getting mad and doubting God is a human reaction. And guess what? HUMANS ARE NOT PERFECT.

What started this journey? I’m not sure if I ever really got into it. I got picked up for drinking and driving in December of 2017. My BAC was .09 and I was right by my house. I got arrested. Luckily, the end result was an Operating While Visually Impaired charge and not an Operating While Intoxicated charge, and I thank God everyday for that.

I was ordered to take impaired driving classes and that’s when I decided to give in. I decided to learn how to listen to God more. I decided that I’d actually make a conscious effort to make sure my faith remained solid. I may not blog every night, and I may not read the bible everyday, but at this point I pray more times a day than I probably have in the past year.

Another thing I did was start going to AA because I figured the courts would make me go anyway. They didn’t, so I stopped going.

However, recently, I started to go back. I’ve met some pretty incredible people and even a few remembered me and that felt really good.

However, I began questioning myself after the second meeting back. I’d find myself asking questions like “Am I really an alcoholic? Do I really belong here?” I decided to do the twelve steps anyway because I thought it would be an excellent opportunity for self growth, and growth with God.

Then tonight’s meeting happened. I had finally put words to explain how I felt. I was questioning if I was whether or not an alcoholic. Somebody said something to me and it struck me: If I have been arrested for drinking and driving, chances are I was an alcoholic. Normal drinkers don’t get “popped. That caused me to do some serious thinking.

Someone had also quoted something from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous that gave the reader a challenge. Try controlled drinking. Have one drink and let it be just one drink.

This caused me to go into some serious thinking.

How many times have I went out before I got my DUI and told myself I’d have just one, but ended up having two or three? Too many to count.

I’ve only been 21 for almost 6 months and the last 4 months have been spent on probation. I still don’t have a solid answer to my question and I don’t have to. But a coworker asked me a question the other day that I could not answer. What is the whole point of drinking?

Maybe it’s better for me not to find out rather than finding out when it’s too late. I’ve also been terrified at the thought of never drinking again. Clue number two maybe? I don’t know. At this point, I don’t want to find out.

I have been sober for awhile, but never really kept track because I didn’t consider myself an “alcoholic”.

However, today. Something changed. I decided to keep track. Today counted as Day 1 in my book.

I’m so thankful that God made me realize how important this journey was, and I’m grateful that I’m able to make myself vulnerable and share my story with you.

How Changing Your Mindset Could Change Your Life

First of all let me say this, my day started off horribly. My paycheck for my job never came through, and as soon as I got to work, I started throwing up. Even though I felt fine after, they thought it best that I be sent home just in case it was something more serious.

So I hung out with a friend, taught him some piano, he taught me guitar, and I helped him get ready for his audition for our church band on Thursday. Then we went out for sushi, and I went to an AA meeting.

There’s so many things I could talk about with what I’ve learned today alone.

I’ll try to narrow it down to the one of the things that hit me the most.

A few days ago, my dad had tagged me in a help wanted ad for something I’m going to school for. My initial thought was, “What’s the point? They probably wouldn’t call me anyway so there’s no use in applying.”

Something inside me switched. Instead of thinking that, I thought “What if I did get the job though?”

So I took a chance and applied. I’m not saying that when I go into work tomorrow I’m going to place all bets on getting this job and putting my two weeks in, but what if I did get that call and it was because I decided to try?

Changing your mindset to have a positive outlook on life can do so many things. You’re not coming up with excuses to not push for something, but rather finding reasons to push for something.

It gives me hope, and hope is what drives me. God didn’t plan for me to live a life full of doubt, fear, and worry. He planned for me to live a life full of love, radiance, and hope. Knowing that everything will be ok.

He is my hope.

Honestly? We could play the what if game all day. I know I’m bad at falling into it. If that was an olympic sport, I’d have a million gold medals. But what if we changed the rules of the “what if” game? What if we pursued God even more? What if we prayed more? What if we read the bible more? What if we actually tried? I promise you the answers are much more positive than if we asked ourselves “What if this doesn’t work?”

What if we didn’t live for us? What if we lived for God?

I realize that there is a possibility that I don’t get this job, and I’m ok. Our problem with society is that we have too many unrealistic expectations. We expect young adults (~20) to have at least one kid. We expect this generation to not go to school and get a higher education. We expect ourselves to work to death to provide for our families. We expect every rugged looking person to be an alcoholic or crackhead. We expect ourselves to put labels on things where no label is necessary.

We think that just because a woman doesn’t meet the current standards of beauty to not be worthy of anything.

We think that just because a man doesn’t meet the current standards of beauty to not be worthy of anything.

But YOU ARE.

Jesus loves you for who you are. No matter what. His love is unconditional. You might think that you’re not a good person, but you are. You have the ability to be a good person. And the phrase “being a good person” is so relative that each person has a different definition for what that may mean.

Instead of not trying, try. Instead of doubting yourself, push yourself. Have faith in yourself. Have faith in God. Trust in Him and Him alone. I promise you if you do that, the results will amaze you. I’ve been amazed. I think that I’ve made more growth in the past 4 months than I have in the past year.

The sky is the limit, but if you really think about it. The sky eventually leads into space. Space is endless. So really, you’re limitless. You can do whatever you want to do if you really push yourself, have faith in yourself, let go, and let God.