Tag Archives: happiness

The Perfectly Angled Moon

The moon is at a perfect angle and is shining through my window. 

It’s absolutely beautiful. 

The crickets, the silence, the peace.

The shadow of everything at rest.

I realized that I was missing out on it.

I was finishing my nightly Netflix binge and was going to go straight to bed

before I saw this perfectly angled moon, and everything else I noticed along with it.

The crickets are in perfect harmony and the peace comes with the silence just like the clouds come with the rain. In this moment, I realize that nobody is telling them when to harmonize or when to appear. They just know.

And I realize that I am just like them. 

I am the chorus of crickets that I hear. Because my life is intertwined with other people. It is complete with other people. 

I am the peace that comes with the silence. Because I have the power to be at peace if I really choose to. 

When my work has been done for the day, I don’t have to stress. I can sit and admire this perfectly angled moon and everything that comes with it.

I am this perfectly angled moon. 

I am this perfectly angled moon because I have been molded into who I was supposed to be.

I am this perfectly angled moon because my shape is what makes me unique.

I am this perfectly angled moon because people don’t notice my beauty during the day. They wait until I am comfortable. Until I am ready to show them who I am. 

Just like this perfectly angled moon.

The moon is at a perfect angle and is shining through my window. 

It’s absolutely beautiful.

I look at myself in a mirror, and I see my reflection.

It is absolutely beautiful.

 

Photo by Francisco De Legarreta C. on Unsplash

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No Strings Attached

No, I don’t mean this as a friends with benefits definition.

What I mean by no strings attached is that I’m free. I’ve spent so much time focusing on settling down, getting married, and popping out a couple of kids and worrying over if it might not happen for me.

It’s been different, it feels great!

I’m doing my own thing, at my own pace. I’m living my life how I want to. If I don’t feel like going out, I can stay in. If I don’t feel like staying in, I can go out. I don’t have any commitments or responsibilities to another person. I don’t have another person breathing down my back and it feels amazing.

Today, I went to pick a friend up. Then we went and hung out at the pool, the mall, we grabbed a bite to eat and her boyfriend joined us, then we went to go see this band in the local park.

It was great. They announced they were going to play Sinatra, and I knew the song and I shout out (it was an unintentionally loud shout) “I LOVE THIS” and I’m pretty sure the entire city of Plymouth heard me because several audience members behind me heard me and laughed a bit. Great times. #I’mawkward.

Anyway, it was a genuinely great day. Again, no expectations. I was free. I am free. I love my freedom and I’m not sure if I want to give that up just yet. I’m just now learning how to embrace being young, being the best person I can possibly be, and enjoying my time now.

My time is now.

I started writing poetry/spoken word again, and that feels great. I have missed writing. I might even go to an open mic some time and perform my stuff.

It’s days like today that keep me going. That keep me pushing. I am able to do literally whatever I want. As long as it’s legal, of course.

I’ve wasted so much time already because it took me 21 years to figure this out. But that’s okay because I’m still young. I still learned this before it was too late. I still have time to figure me out, but reality is, I will never figure me out entirely.

Does anybody figure out who they are entirely?

Photo by Maurice Schalker on Unsplash

How I Almost Lost My Sanity And How I Got It Back

The last couple months have been terrible.

I don’t want to get into any specifics, but I will say this.

I didn’t want to do anything and I was missing out on life.

I wanted to wake up and hit snooze every chance I had. Even though I would tell myself I wanted to be more productive.

My uncle passed away a few weeks ago. I drove out to PA to go see him (with my brother of course). I had to call off of work, which I hated doing.

I was depressed and I didn’t even realize it.

I didn’t want to keep up with the blog.

I enjoyed time with friends, but all I did was complain about how much I hated my job.

Then it happened. I had a mental breakdown. I had to make a tough decision and do what was best for me.

I was able to be with my friends, not complain about anything (for the first time in awhile), and even joke around and laugh. One of my friends even said that I was smiling so much it was beginning to creep him out.

I found out some things that I should have never found out. But I realized that God had meant for me to find those things out because He knew that I wasn’t in a good place.

He knew that I needed better, and he helped me get to that point.

God is there if you listen. God was there when I had some conversations with a few close friends and my stepmom.

The only thing I had to do was listen to the advice that was given. Which isn’t always easy.

Reality is, nothing is easy. Life is full of choices. Sometimes easy ones, mostly hard ones.

Acts 8:26-29 says “Now an angel of the Lord said to Phillip, go South to the road-the desert road-that goes down from Jerusalem to Gaza. So he started out, and on his way he met an Ethiopian eunuch, an important official in charge of all the treasury of the Kandake. This man had gone to Jerusalem to worship and on his way home he was sitting in his chariot reading the Book of Isaiah the prophet. The spirit told Phillip, go to that chariot and stay near it.”

We talked about this story a few weeks ago at my church group. God had told Phillip to approach someone and have a conversation with someone at this chariot. A man that Phillip had never met, that he didn’t even know. I can’t say what was running through Phillips mine but I know that I would never be able to approach a random person and start having a conversation with them.

However, Phillip obeyed. And great things came out of it (you should read the full story!) because Phillip had obeyed.

I was in the same situation with different circumstances.

However, like Phillip, I had to listen to the advice that was given to me. If you ask for advice, but don’t listen to it, chances are the results are going to be disastrous. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.

My point is, if you put yourself first once in awhile and do whats best for you, you’ll be better off. You’ll be a lot happier, you’ll appreciate things on a level much deeper than you could ever comprehend.

I’m not missing my brothers graduation.

I’m going to Cedar Point.

I refuse to miss out on my own life.

Photo by Dmitry Ratushny on Unsplash

 

 

 

I Have $86,400

There’s this person I’ve been following on facebook. His name is Jay Shetty and he lived as a monk for a few years.

I was watching one of his videos and he made an analogy.

“Imagine if every day, $86,400 was deposited into your bank account and at the end of the day, that $86,400 disappeared but you’d wake up with another $86,400 was deposited. How would you spend it? Every day, we have 86,400 seconds and we can’t get it back” (to watch the actual video, click here).

It’s not quite verbatim, but pretty close.

I used to love sleeping in until mid-late afternoon. Usually 1, 2, sometimes even 3 pm. After watching that video? I feel weird sleeping in. I feel like I’m wasting my day.

Yesterday was a good day. I got everything accomplished that I wanted to get accomplished. It felt really good seeing things crossed off in my planner. I felt accomplished. I felt like it was a good day and my mood was overall better.

Today, that didn’t happen. I woke up an hour before I had to work. Didn’t get anything done. No readings, no blogging (until now) just nothing. I felt like crap.

I noticed a change because I had made myself more productive yesterday. I liked the feeling that came with it. Today, I didn’t have that feeling because I wanted to hit the snooze button one last time, and that lasted for 6 hours. (I wanted to be up by 8 AM but didn’t actually wake up until 2 PM).

I also prayed yesterday. Prayed that I would have the strength to get up that early, and that I would have the motivation, and that work would be easy. And it was. I had the strength, the motivation, and work was relatively easy.

Today I didn’t. I realize how important that is for me to do.

If I want more productive days, I have to force myself to wake up even if I don’t want to. I don’t want to waste that $86,400.

Photo by Olga DeLawrence on Unsplash

The Motivation (Or Lack Thereof)

I’ve been blogging less and less. I’ve written for the Odyssey online, I have written for puckermob, and I started this. Odyssey and Puckermob just fell apart. I made a promise to myself that I wouldn’t let this blog become one of those things that I’d start and forget about a month later.

I’ve been enjoying writing these blogs. It gives people inspiration and hope. My words have the ability to impact people in ways that I would have never imagined.

I’ve been thinking about putting myself on a schedule throughout the week. Getting a planner and writing out everything I have to do for the day. Word for word. Bills I have to pay, meetings I should attend to, days I have to work, days I have classes, what time I should be up by, etc etc.

I don’t have a planner yet. So everything I’ve been doing is from mental memory. Yesterday I got up at 8 A.M. I felt really accomplished (anyone who knows me knows that I am typically NOT a morning person). I got my car cleaned out and my room cleaned. Went to two AA meetings back to back and went to school to take my exam. I felt really productive and proud.

Today I woke up at around noon and barely got anything done. I got my budget worked out (bye bye internet streaming services *cough cough Netflix cough cough*) and my student loan paperwork completed, however I wasn’t able to turn in it to my schools financial aid office.

But today, I found out I am closer to getting my degree than I thought I was. I have about a year and a half left. That’s because I kept pushing, I kept striving, and I didn’t let the fear of student loans get to me. Even though I have changed my major roughly three times (which isn’t uncommon; if you are in the same boat, DO NOT feel guilty). I am so close to being done.

None of this would have happened if I didn’t sober up. If I was still out drinking, I wouldn’t have come to know God. I wouldn’t have been able to continuously share my story with people. I wouldn’t have been able to come as far as I have and that’s really important.

I’ve been watching a movie called 5 to 7 a lot lately, and one of my favorite quotes from that movie is “Progress is not linear.”

It’s not. Life is just a giant course of trial and error. If something doesn’t work, we try it again in a different way and make the same errors.

I feel like we have to hit a certain bottom before we rise to the surface. My charge was my bottom. This is why Paul is one of my favorite characters in the bible because Paul PERSECUTED Christians in his time. He had a specific encounter with God. In Acts 9:4, the Lord asks “Saul, Saul, why do you persecute me?”

That conversation that Paul had with the Lord changed his life. It changed his life so much that even his name was changed. To learn more of the story please read my blog post From Saul to Paul: The Beginning.

Do I want to do things other than sit for an hour and read the Word? Absolutely. I’m sure every Christian feels that way at some point. However, it’s a really bad habit to get into because when we should be studying the Word is when we aren’t feeling motivated.

 

Photo by NeONBRAND on Unsplash