Tag Archives: friendship

Today, I Got My Confidence Back

I ran across a facebook post written by a girl I knew from high school. She’s going to beauty school and learning how to do hair, and she needed to build up her professional portfolio.

We were going to dye my hair purple, but because this whole thing with forensics happened, I figured that going in to take an exam with purple hair wouldn’t make a good first impression, so we decided to go black. I’ve been blonde, I’ve been red, but my hair has never been black so I figured why not. She also did my makeup.

It looks INCREDIBLE.

Natural, but not natural. I was so happy I got to help her build her portfolio, but to me it was so much more than that. I can’t post any pictures yet, because I’m doing a reveal because I look kinda different, kinda the same but kind of different.

I used to drink because I had no confidence (there were many reasons why I drank, this was just one of them) and it was the one thing alcohol gave me.

Just by talking to her, interacting with her, and catching up (I haven’t seen her in 5 years) felt really great.

But the best thing about today was she helped me obtain that confidence I never had. That confidence that I obtained while drinking. I didn’t have to impair myself to feel good about myself.

In high school, I thought she was kind of mean. I thought she didn’t like me. I pre-judged her before I even got to know her and I feel TERRIBLE about that. Turns out, we have a lot more in common than I ever thought.

She is so sweet and I’m happy I came across her facebook when she asked if people needed their hair done and I’m so happy I reached out. Today was a really significant day because I truly do love myself. For the first time in years, I really do love myself. It wouldn’t of happened without her.

I get that you can choose to be confident, but sometimes, people can walk in and give you that boost you need. She was that person.

If you are in the metro Detroit area, and need your hair done. Shoot me an email. You can find it in the contact information and I can direct you to her. Pictures will be posted at some point tomorrow.

Photo by Ryan Moreno on Unsplash

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What I’ve Learned About Having Friends

I almost didn’t want to blog tonight. I had gotten off of work at midnight, and came home at about 12:30 greeted by a wonderful headache. I say that sarcastically.

However, I felt weird going to bed before I finished up my readings for the day. I felt weird going to bed before I blogged about what’s on my mind.

I’ve started reading this book called “Becoming Myself” by Stasi Eldredge. I’m about halfway through, but tonights chapter hit me hard.

It was about friendship. Good qualities, bad qualities, do’s and don’ts, letting people go because you love them. Letting people go because you’re selfless.

This book was written for women, christian women. This chapter, about friendship, got me thinking about the last few years of my life.

In middle school and high school, I had a small group of friends. Men and women. As we got older, our schedules changed, some of us drifted apart. Some of us stabbed the other in the back. I fell victim to this.

A few months ago, who I thought was my “best friend” had unfriended me from facebook. Granted it has been awhile since we talked (I’ll get more into that here in a bit), but I still enjoyed seeing what was going on in her life through her posts. Without a word, she was gone.

This hurt, really bad. This made me not trust women at all. This made me scared to trust women, so I found comfort in the fellowship of men (this all happened before I became saved). They were amazing! They listened, offered advice (which was convenient when I had a crush on some guy, they could give me a man’s perspective on what they do if they like a girl). However, there were still some things I couldn’t talk to them about. Sure, they’d give me chocolate when I needed it (ladies, you know what I’m talking about). However, I still longed for that closeness with a woman. I still longed for that close friendship with a woman. I let my guard of trust get in the way of that.

Even when I did have friends in high school, I put expectations on them (which was a HUGE mistake). I thought that if they didn’t text me or call me every single day, it automatically meant that they didn’t care. It took a long time for me to learn that we don’t have time to sit on our phones and have a conversation all day every day (I know, it’s sad that I even thought that). Though at the time, because it’s what I believed, I rarely talked to anybody. I had that “why bother, they don’t talk to me. If they wanted to talk to me, then they would have.” mentality. It took a long time for me to learn that it’s a two way street and both parties have to be involved.

It also took me a long time for me to learn that having women friends is just as important has having man friends. Let’s be real, if you’re cramping up can you really talk to a guy about that?

The second thing I had to learn was that people will come and go in our lives. It’s a normal thing. Very rarely will we find somebody that will have a lasting friendship. We are meant to let people go, not out of hate, but out of love. Recognizing that we are going separate ways in life, not because we no longer like that person.

Now? Now I have the most amazing set of friends I could have ever asked for. A healthy mix of men and women. Not only are they there for me when I need them, but they also hold me accountable. They are honest, they don’t beat around the bush. It’s so much easier not having to put that “they need to call and/or text me every single day” expectation. Just because they don’t talk to every day, does not automatically mean they don’t care.

Besides, it’s really rare that we talk one on one outside of meeting physically. We have a whole group chat dedicated to that and it’s great.

I thank God everyday for them.

Photo by Chang Duong on Unsplash

Blessing or a Lesson

I could say this week has been tough mentally and emotionally.

Or I could say that this week has been full of growth and learning lessons. I think I’m going to go with that one.

I recognize that I’ve been somewhat inactive with this project I’m doing. It’s so easy to come up with excuses as to why we can’t do something, rather than just doing it.

After my piano teacher’s funeral last Saturday, events unfolded. I had doubts, I was second guessing myself, but eventually I made the right choice.

Let me tell you about a conversation I had with a pretty incredible woman I know. I met this person last year at my cousins wedding-she was the wedding photographer. When we spoke on the phone Monday night (because I had been confiding in her a lot with what was going on) she told me something I will never forget.

When she first met me, she knew she had to pray for me. She didn’t know why, she let go and let God. She didn’t know why she was praying for me, she was just praying for me.

I told her my story, and those that know me know my story is quite extensive. Hearing this, she figured out what she had been praying for in regards to me.

For my faith to become stronger.

So we talked a little more, about life, the bible, our journey, etc. Then this blog was brought up. She had noticed that there had been a lapse. She wasn’t seeing me posting. She knew I wasn’t posting.

She said (in her charming southern accent) “Keep doing what you’re doing because you don’t know who you’ll be able to reach through that blog. You could change lives.”

I didn’t stop blogging because I had given up on it, I stopped blogging because I lost focus of what was important. I made excuses to why I shouldn’t do it (I’m too tired, I’ll do it tomorrow, I should probably do homework) rather than trying to find reasons why I should do it.

It’s been 3 days since that conversation and I realized that I need to get serious about putting myself back on a strict schedule so I don’t lose sight of that focus.

God doesn’t place people in our lives for no reason. They’re either a blessing or a lesson and it’s up to us to figure out which category they fall into. Some will be a blessing, others will be a lesson.

God gave us the power of free will. It’s up to us to use it responsibly.