Category Archives: journey

Loneliness

I want to talk about loneliness tonight. I had a wonderful evening with a very dear friend of mine. I had a good day, and I was thankful I got to share how my day went with him.

Then we started talking about past relationships and current relationships. However, seeing all my friends getting engaged discourages me sometimes because I feel like I’m behind.

The reality is, I’m not. I’m not behind because when God is ready, he will bring someone into my life that is meant to be in my life.

I have past regrets that I’m still working on letting go of. Regrets from past relationships and I also don’t always see myself the way I should. Handling complements is a weakness of mine, but I’m working at becoming better and trying to believe the complements I am given.

I struggle with body image and self confidence. That was the primary focus of me and my friends conversation. He kept telling me I’ll find someone who will do things like open car doors for me and pay for dates (not that paying matters, or car doors being opened for me matters, but it’s just nice). As well as explain to me, that some people look beyond a pretty face. They stare into the soul, and observe their personality.

The thing with my friend, is he is one of the most chivalrous people I know. Always opens my car door and most of the time when we hang out, he won’t let me pay for my own way, he does. No, we’re not dating. We’re just friends. However, I think God brought him into my life to show me how I should be treated compared to how I’ve been treated.

So he says something along the lines of, “Remember, this is how you SHOULD be treated.”

My response? HAH. I said “Well, 99% of men are not like you. 1% are. Of that 1%, 99% fall into 3 categories: gay, married, or taken. Only 1% are single.”

His response blew me away, and was a reminder that I needed. When God is ready, and when God thinks you are ready, He will place someone who was meant to be in your life. I felt better almost instantly. It’s something I have to cling on to, because if I don’t, then I’ll be back into my old habits.

One of my favorite songs is East to West by Casting Crowns. In that song, he says “I don’t want to end up where you found me.” Which for me, is true. I don’t want to end up where He found me, or more technically where I found him. If I don’t cling on to Him and cling on to my faith, I’d keep searching and searching for “the one” but reality is you can’t search for it. You have to let it find you.

On top of that, you have to be comfortable being alone before you’re with someone else. You have to be comfortable with yourself. I used to be an extreme extrovert. I was always going out. When I got put on probation, I’ve found contentment in being in my own solitude. I used to hate being alone, but now I know I’m not alone. God is by my side, all the time. Every day and every night.

“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous hand,” (Isaiah 41:10). 

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Being Thankful

You may have noticed that today’s bible entry was a bit later than usual.

I got home from work, had dinner and visited with my family for a bit. I probably won’t even journal or read my book tonight because I’m so tired. As much as I hate skipping a day, it’s ok. I got the only reading that’s important out of the way.

I finally got around to watching To Joey, With Love. A documentary created by Rory Feek, for his wife Joey who died nearly two years ago.

Joey Feek was a really good example of how a wife, a mother, and an overall human being should be. She put her family first, she worked hard, she was kind, she was humble, and she always put God first.

Sure, her and Rory probably had money, but that didn’t matter to them. What mattered was the simple things in life. They even took a year off of their music career so they could focus on learning how to live off the land and preparing for their daughter to be born.

I’m not trying to get into the minds of their family, but if I was put in their position and lost someone I loved and cared about deeply, I’d be questioning God and his reasoning. As far as the documentary goes, they both were content. They both had accepted that this was God’s plan for them and they just had to cope.

Again, not trying to get into their minds, just making an observation based off of the documentary.

The documentary hit me hard. It was almost like I felt like I was losing somebody I loved. But, she didn’t take a day for granted. She lived like it was her last one, and Rory even says that in the film.

We need to cherish our loved ones, because we never know what tomorrow will bring and we never know what God has planned for us. Tell your family you love them, and never let them go.

Be kind to them, don’t yell at them. Treat them like you’ll never see them again. Cling to them.

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1

Be thankful for what you have, because some people aren’t as lucky. Love them like you’ll never love again.

Rest in peace Joey Feek, I hope you’ve been spending your time in Heaven making those angels sing for the last two years.

A New Chapter

Today? Today was productive. I finished up my community service hours and went to a nutrition club I used to go to. Hoping an old friend would be there, I wanted to see him.

The last time we talked, I had just gotten my DUI. I’d be lying if I said he didn’t warn me that I needed to change. After I got my DUI, and I slowed down for a bit, he saw that I didn’t look hungover. He was able to guess how many nights out I was going a week based on my morning appearance.

I heeded his words.

Now, here I am. Almost 3 months after the incident, and I’m stronger than ever. I have God on my side and I have a good support system.

Today, when I went to visit. He wasn’t there. But I got to talking with some people that were running the store on the weekend. A young, married couple. They were fun to be around, but I was talking about my story and the woman seemed to take interest. She told me that she’s always interested in expanding her mindset and changing her mindset for the better. So I gave her this blog because well this blog is dedicated to Christ and having a good mindset based in truth.

Months ago? Months ago I wouldn’t have done that. I would have gotten my shake and left. I wouldn’t have opened up. I’d pretend I was in a hurry just so I didn’t have to have conversation with anybody. But today, I realized that people can have a conversation with you, you just have to open yourself up to it.

None of us were texting. None of us were checking our phones constantly. We all agreed on the fact that other people’s stories were interesting because they have the capability to provide some insight into our own life. I told her about the book I just finished, and she showed me two books she wanted to read and I ended up taking a picture of the books she showed me!

This is definitely a new chapter in my life. And I’m not going to lie-I’m pretty excited about it. Acknowledging that I’m not perfect, that I’m a sinner, and that Jesus died for me has allowed me to do the most incredible things.

I would have never even thought to start this blog. But I’m glad I did. I even brought a friend to tears when she found out about it.

This blog isn’t for me. This isn’t for me to brag about how many views I get, how many people read it.

The bible says we must use our talents to serve the Lord.

“Each of you should use whatever gift you have received to serve others, as faithful stewards of God’s grace in its various forms.” 1 Peter 4:10

I’d say writing is a talent of mine. I sometimes write Poetry. So I thought, why not start this blog? I’m not going to lie, I was afraid. But when I realized that it wasn’t about me, it became so much more easier to do.

I’m glad I did it.

Tear The Walls Down!

I hope you enjoyed my first devotional as much as I did writing it. As the reader, I feel like you should probably know a little bit about me so *takes a deep breath* here goes.

I was never the “popular” type. I mean I had a few friends, but not a lot. Someway, they all found ways to betray me. However, I was so desperate to have friends that I didn’t care.

In the process, I became the most caring person I could be. I gave and I gave. Sometimes I got something, other times I got nothing.

December of 2017 was a breaking point for me. 3 months of being 21 and I already managed to get my first (and last) DUI. After being up for almost 24 hours, I was released from jail. I got my car, and through the grace of God, found energy to still go to Church.

After service, I decided to go into their bookstore just to see what was available. I picked up this book called Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend.

As I’m writing this, I’m two chapters away from finishing it. It’s shown me that it’s okay to give sometimes, but don’t give too much.

It also taught me how to open up to people because we need to, and it’s what God wanted.

Thursday and Friday (February 22nd and 23rd) were life changing days for me.

Thursday, I went to my church group just like I do every Thursday. It was the “End It” movement day and we had a woman who was talking about sex trafficking and the whole purpose of the End It Movement. She said that social media played a key role in a lot of sex trafficking victims and predators. When she said that, my heart stopped.

I was that girl. I turned to social media for love and attention, and I would sneak out in the middle of the night to meet these people not giving a care in the world what could happen to me. I was aware of what could happen to me, but when you have that “It’ll never happen to me” mindset, anything is possible. This was in High School, before I found Christ.

It finally dawned on me that that was what could have happened to me. I could have snuck out, never to see my family again and that? That has a huge weight on your heart.

I am not ashamed, nor am I embarrassed. We all have a story, and this just so happens to be mine. Because of Boundaries, and the help with God I was able to open up to my friends about that. Honestly, I had never felt more relieved.

On Friday, a guy came in at work. He saw my book laying on the table and asked what it was about. So I told him. I said it’s a book that shows you how to give, but not give to much. It shows you how to be able to open up, and overcome your fear. It’s about setting boundaries for yourself, and other people.

To my amazement, he wanted to take a picture of it to show to his wife. He tells me she could probably benefit from this book. I asked him about how much she was working. It was almost like the type of situation the authors described in the book itself! Working 12 hour shifts, coming home and continuing to work. No work boundaries, no family boundaries.

So then, his friend comes in. I already knew his friend. The 3 of us were talking about how misery loves company and I quoted 1 Corinthians 15:33 “Do not be misled: Bad Company corrupts good character.”

The friend was like I need to send that to my boys, and he sent that to his boys.

Both were incredibly amazing examples of how God is working through me, and my life.

A good friend told me that our God is a gentlemen. If we want Him, we have to seek Him. He won’t come looking for us, but He knows what we are doing. That’s exactly what I’m doing. When you start to seek Him, He will provide for you.

 

Katie A.

The Walk Begins

As my first “unofficial” blog post, I’d like to start out by saying how nervous I am about this. I haven’t been on my walk very long but I do enjoy writing, and it’s a great way to serve the Lord.

“Whoever serves me, must follow me; and where I am, my servant will also be. My Father will honor the one who serves me.”

John 12:26 NIV

 

I pray that whoever stumbles upon this website, will learn something and will grow. Even if one person sees this, I pray that my walk will inspire them to start their walk if they haven’t already. Even if one person sees this, I hope that I was able to help make a difference in their life.

We all have a purpose, and I believe that this is mine. As we walk together, let’s learn together. Greater things await, but we must be willing to work for it. I don’t know where I’m headed in this walk. What I do know is this: God is on my side and He is the one leading, not me. Wherever He is leading, I’m sure it’ll be great.

 

Katie A