I want to talk about loneliness tonight. I had a wonderful evening with a very dear friend of mine. I had a good day, and I was thankful I got to share how my day went with him.
Then we started talking about past relationships and current relationships. However, seeing all my friends getting engaged discourages me sometimes because I feel like I’m behind.
The reality is, I’m not. I’m not behind because when God is ready, he will bring someone into my life that is meant to be in my life.
I have past regrets that I’m still working on letting go of. Regrets from past relationships and I also don’t always see myself the way I should. Handling complements is a weakness of mine, but I’m working at becoming better and trying to believe the complements I am given.
I struggle with body image and self confidence. That was the primary focus of me and my friends conversation. He kept telling me I’ll find someone who will do things like open car doors for me and pay for dates (not that paying matters, or car doors being opened for me matters, but it’s just nice). As well as explain to me, that some people look beyond a pretty face. They stare into the soul, and observe their personality.
The thing with my friend, is he is one of the most chivalrous people I know. Always opens my car door and most of the time when we hang out, he won’t let me pay for my own way, he does. No, we’re not dating. We’re just friends. However, I think God brought him into my life to show me how I should be treated compared to how I’ve been treated.
So he says something along the lines of, “Remember, this is how you SHOULD be treated.”
My response? HAH. I said “Well, 99% of men are not like you. 1% are. Of that 1%, 99% fall into 3 categories: gay, married, or taken. Only 1% are single.”
His response blew me away, and was a reminder that I needed. When God is ready, and when God thinks you are ready, He will place someone who was meant to be in your life. I felt better almost instantly. It’s something I have to cling on to, because if I don’t, then I’ll be back into my old habits.
One of my favorite songs is East to West by Casting Crowns. In that song, he says “I don’t want to end up where you found me.” Which for me, is true. I don’t want to end up where He found me, or more technically where I found him. If I don’t cling on to Him and cling on to my faith, I’d keep searching and searching for “the one” but reality is you can’t search for it. You have to let it find you.
On top of that, you have to be comfortable being alone before you’re with someone else. You have to be comfortable with yourself. I used to be an extreme extrovert. I was always going out. When I got put on probation, I’ve found contentment in being in my own solitude. I used to hate being alone, but now I know I’m not alone. God is by my side, all the time. Every day and every night.
“Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, Surely I will uphold you with My righteous hand,” (Isaiah 41:10).