All posts by walkingunsteadily

I'm 21 years old. The lead singer of one of my favorite bands found his higher power when a bee flew by him. I found God in the back of a cop car. This blog is dedicated to His word and my walk with Him. I hope you find this very insightful.

I’m Still Alive and I have Great News!

Hey guys,

I just wanted to check in. My mom doesn’t have internet, so I haven’t been able to blog as much-well sort of, I’ll get to that in a minute.

Lots has happened since I’ve been on. I totaled my car by hitting a deer, but that’s okay. The best blessings usually happen in disguise. The place I moved to has car inspections, unlike the place I moved from. Couldn’t exactly get away with driving a clunker. So 2 car loans later, I closed on a 2012 focus thus resulting in me getting a second job which I haven’t done since high school. However, I’m looking forward to it because the biggest blessings usually happen in disguise. I know that everything will work out. But I’m not here to talk about that.

Since moving with my mom to a different state in October, I’ve been looking for a church. I’ll admit, I’ve been slacking alot. I was going to this one church that seemed to be really cool but it lacked fellowship, which is the number one thing I look for in a church.

One night, I was at work. These girls sat in my section, a couple of them wanted alcohol but because our liquor laws are weird, they had to sit elsewhere and were no longer in my section. However, we carried on a conversation like we had known each other for forever. Out of nowhere one of the girls was like you should check out our church sometimes! I was blown away because I had been looking for a church but at the same time not really putting in a lot of effort in finding one. Mainly because I have been working Sunday mornings but all that is about to change being that I’m getting a second job.

They were telling me about this small group thing that they had going on every Tuesday at 7pm. At that point in time, I didn’t know what my schedule would be like. I connected with a few of the girls on facebook and told them I’d let them know. Sure enough, I had Tuesday off. So I went. And I LOVED it! It wasn’t too big and it was cozy. We talked about Romans 1-4. We didn’t read it out loud, because the group is more of a way to hold each other accountable. I learned that we typically read certain chapters on our own time and then meet to discuss it.

Also, while at this small group study I came to a realization. My mom doesn’t have internet, so that’s an excuse as to why I haven’t been blogging. I tell myself I’ll blog at my Grandma’s but it typically never happens. While at this small group, I realized…how many times have I turned my iPhone into a personal hotspot to watch YouTube videos or binge watch Friends on Netflix? Too many to count. So why not turn my phone into a personal hotspot to blog? Granted the service isn’t the best, but it’s better than nothing at all.

I really need to get back into the swing of things. Then again, I’m not perfect. No one is.

I have Sunday morning off this week and I’m looking forward to checking out the church service. I still miss my old church, but when God closes one door, He opens another one.

Photo by Robin Spielmann on Unsplash

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Family

It’s about ten PM at night and she’s been in bed for a few hours.

I go into her room to grab something, hoping i don’t wake her.

But she wakes up anyway and I apologize a thousand times, but she says “its okay honey” and she goes back to sleep.

I breathe a sigh of relief as I go back into the living room for a few more hours 

I’m a night owl

and I’ll carefully slip under the covers, so I don’t wake her. She looks so peaceful.

I stay the night at their house, and he gives me some pajamas and they fit just perfectly.

And I know that I’m the apple in his eye.

The amount of love I have for him is irreplacable. All my life, I was hoping for someone to love me like that. He shows me what it’s like to be treated right. He’s patient, he’s kind, he’s thoughtful, he’s sweet. Someone in my life I’d want to keep. 

Then I go back to her house. And we’ll probably have an argument or disagreement but I know that she still loves me no matter what and she’s working hard to support her family. The family that she lost for 6 years.

We all came back.

And that was the greatest gift for her. Holidays were spent together that we haven’t spent with in awhile.

And there’s never a dull moment, they always make me smile.

They’ve shown me what its like to love unconditionally.

They don’t threaten me with eviction, they don’t shut anything off, they gave me the one thing I’ve never really had and that was a choice.

For everyone who questions why I moved, or why I keep my past in my past. What’s portrayed on social media isn’t what happens within 4 walls and a roof.

For once I have people I can rely on, emotionally. They tell me they love me, they tell me that I’m pretty. They tell me to know my worth. 

They guide me in the right direction.

The 3 people I’m talking about here are my grandma, my papa and my mother. 

And one day I know I won’t have them, and I pray that day won’t happen for a long time.

So I hug them a little bit tighter.

I hold the ones I love dear

Nothing can stop me now, not even fear. 

Because now I truly believed that I am loved.

I truly believe the world is at my feet.

 

Photo by Kevin Delvecchio on Unsplash

It’s Ok if You Aren’t Engaged or Pregnant!

Hey all,

Life here has been great. I’ve been busy working and trying to get everything in order as far as school goes and stuff. I officially have my associates in criminal justice and will be pursuing my bachelor’s in psychology in the fall. Assuming the college I applied to will accept me.

My mom doesn’t have internet at the moment, and I’ve been so busy I almost forgot about this blog. Ok not literally but you know what I mean.

I haven’t been the best Christian lately, and by that I mean I haven’t really been reading my bible as much as I should but I have found myself praying-alot.

I hope your holidays were good, mine were! But I kept scrolling through facebook and I felt like everybody I know is getting pregnant or engaged. New relationships between other people are blossoming and I’m not going to lie. It kinda bogged me down. I’ve been single for almost 3 years and it just feels like any guy worth getting to know is either already taken or gay.

I’ve been on a few dates, but I noticed something about myself I never did before and that was my worth. That is the most important thing. Know what you deserve and know what you are willing to put up with. Most importantly, don’t settle for just anyone.

My problem was that I’d always be searching for love which was my first mistake. If you search too much, you make yourself seem desperate which doesn’t look good on anybody.

It sucks seeing everyone I know starting new relationships and bringing new life into the world. But If I know anything it’s that God does have a plan for everyone. Even if it doesn’t feel like it.

I’ve learned that things just naturally fall into place when God is ready. It’s about God’s timing, not your own. The waiting part sucks, but I’ve found that if I patiently wait, better things are around the corner-eventually-at some point in time. And it’s hard, and all you can really do is pray for strength.

In the meantime, you live your life. I was the type of person that would put my entire life on hold until I found somebody I wanted to be with. I mean, that was me, most of high school. But looking back, I missed out on so many opportunities I should have joined in on. For example, I didn’t go to homecoming my freshman year because I didn’t have a date. Having a date was more important than being with my friends the first year of high school.

A guy is going to want someone who is comfortable in their identity, who is goal oriented, and confident.

So who cares if all your friends are engaged or getting pregnant? I don’t! I have a newfound appreciation for life that cannot be taken or replaced. If I’m being honest, moving did contribute to that because I was placing myself in a better environment and taking control of my life.

Letting the whole relationship aspect part of my life go has opened the opportunity to be there for my friends. Being single has allowed me to get to know myself even more, and appreciate the things I love and become more comfortably in my identity.

I’m not saying there’s going to be nights where you’re alone and you’re watching friends and you’re crying because Ross is about to marry someone other than Rachel while guzzling down a bottle of wine (or stuffing your face with junk food), there will be. But it’s only temporary, and the feeling will pass.

Let go, let God, and most importantly, trust His plan for you. It’ll be alright, and things will fall into place. You just have to have hope.

Photo by Miguel Bruna on Unsplash

Acts 28: Paul Arrives In Rome

I can’t believe that it’s been about 2 months since I’ve last blogged. Now that I’m all settled and back to a (somewhat) decent level of normalcy, I figured I’d go ahead and pick right on up where I left off.

In Acts 28, Paul lands on an island known as Malta. The islanders greet Paul and all who accompanied with him. The islanders gave them food, water, and shelter. A viper appears and fastens itself onto Paul’s hand. At first, the islanders thing that Paul is a murderer, but then he shakes the snake off of him and then the islanders are praising him because they think he is a God. Paul also did his fair share of healing.

Once Paul actually arrives in Rome, he is placed on house arrest. Acts 28:16 says, “When we got to Rome, Paul was allowed to live by himself, with a soldier to guard him.” 

Now let’s back track here for a second. Remember in Acts 25, Paul went before Festus before he went before Agrippa? In Acts 25:11 Paul says, “If, however, I am guilty of doing anything deserving death, I do not refuse to die. But if the chares brought against me by these Jews are not true, no one has the right to hand me over to them. I appeal to Ceaser.”

Then, in Acts 26, he goes in front of Agrippa. Agrippa finds him not guilty, so because of what Paul said in Acts 25, he is appealing to Ceaser. In Rome.

When in Rome, even though Paul is being watched by a guard, he still finds a way to preach about Jesus and God to the local Jewish leaders. Before he started, he basically told them that he had meant no harm, and that Agrippa wanted to release him however, the Jews objected.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how God uses negative situations to turn them into positive ones. That’s just one of many ways that God works. Even though Paul was facing trial, he still found a way to bring glory to God. To share the gospel and the good news. How incredible is that?

What we as Christians need to do, is to strive to make the most out of a bad situation-just like Paul did. Yeah, I bet it was horrible being on house arrest but he still managed to find ways to be content and be at peace with the help of God. He even used that time to speak to numerous churches (which we will talk about at a later time).

I believed I blogged about how when I was moving from my Dads to my Moms I got a flat in Ohio, with no cell phone. It was scary and it was horrible. After I made contact with the semi truck driver, I just started laughing. I was laughing because I realized that I’ve already been through the worst. The worst of it was being stranded. The best of it was finding help. God placed the right people in my life at the right time. We can do two things in a situation: we can mope, complain, blame God for why our lives are being so horrible or we can keep glorifying HIM and doing what HE wants us to do for HIS glory. That’s exactly what Paul did. He may not have understood what he was going through, but he didn’t let it stop him from glorifying the Lord.

Photo by Willian West on Unsplash

Isaiah 41:10

Tonight, I felt the need to blog. Since the move, things have been going great. Until recently.

Before I explain, I need to start off by saying that I don’t have the best driving record out there. About a month after moving, I get a letter from Michigan’s DMV saying that my license has been indefinitely suspended because I failed to appear to a drivers reexamination. However, I never got the notification to appear. So I called them. After being on hold for about an hour, they said that they sent a notification out on October 12. Days after I had made the move.

In order to get my license back, I had to have a doctor fill out a form and send it back to Michigan’s DMV. I can’t get a PA license until this is cleared.

I got the form completed, and I sent it out. However, part of me is scared that I’ll never get my license back (it’s a bit extreme, I know). Then this verse popped up. Isaiah 41:10.

“Don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

From what I gather after reading the chapter, is that God is speaking to the people of Israel. They don’t have to be afraid, because God will help them through.

I sit here and I think about how far God has gotten me. I managed to get myself out of a sticky situation when I got stranded in Ohio. He has provided for me financially to go back to Michigan for the rest of my things. He has given me a job to help pay the bills and a way to continue my education. So what makes this situation any different? Why am I so afraid?

I may not know what God’s plan is for me. My life is a bunch of tiny puzzle pieces that will come together when I die. I won’t get to see the puzzle until I die. I’m living in the unknown.

God works in mysterious ways, and I can’t just keep taking my own self will back every time things don’t go my way. That my friends, is my biggest problem. I know he provides, and rewards the faithful. So what am I so afraid of? Deep down, I know I’ll get my license back. So why am I so worried?

The best logical answer I can come up with is that I’m only human. I’m not perfect, I never will be perfect. The best I can do is base my decisions on what the Lord is saying to me, and what He wants me to do. That can only be accomplished if I’m willing to listen. If I’m not willing to listen then it’s never going to work.

When the Israelites were traveling to the Promised Land, I’m sure that things weren’t going their way.

No journey is easy. That’s why we have to trust in The Plan. We have to trust that these puzzle pieces that we call our lives will join together one day and create a beautiful masterpiece. We have to remain faithful. I have to remain faithful.

Photo by Dave Poore on Unsplash

Home is where…

What if I told you what living in a small town is like?

Where the population is less than 5,000 and its an hour from the turnpike?

You can stop in at Debs for a cup of joe,

or explore the unknown.

Where people are friendly.

The hustle and bustle is unheard of,

where you can believe you’re good enough.

You can go to Moms, she’ll probably have supper cooking.

Where love isn’t lost, because you stopped looking.

You can go to Grandma’s if you want some pasta,

kick back, relax, and talk to Papa.

Home is where you are loved and your stomach is always full.

Where your presence is enough and you’re not fighting bulls.

Home is where your heart is, where you’re never alone.

A 5 minute drive to one of your own.

Home is where you’re happy,

where the birds fly free

Home is that once in a lifetime feeling.

Small town life is where I belong,

Home is my new favorite sound to a long lost song.

 

Photo by Karol Kaczorek on Unsplash

Faith, Trust, and an Ohio Trooper

It’s been awhile since I’ve blogged. Thankfully it’s a hobby and I’m not getting paid for it, otherwise I’d suck at my job.

So much has happened within this last month and I’ve experienced things I never thought I would experience.

Recently, I did something I never imagined I would do. I packed up everything I had, and I moved out of state to live with my mom. I don’t like moving and change terrifies me so I’m amazed that it even happened.

I had reached a breaking point. I had realized that I wasn’t living up to my full potential because I was letting so many things bog me down. I realized that I didn’t have to let those things bog me down and that I could do whatever it is that I wanted to, and so I moved.

I lived in Michigan and my Mom lives in Pennsylvania. It’s about a 5 hour drive. On my way there initially (I eventually had to come back for the rest of my things) I broke down outside of sandusky. I didn’t have a phone and my cat was disturbed in his carrier in the front seat. I didn’t know what to do.

I tried (carefully) flagging people down. That didn’t work. I had this weird notion that I should keep driving on the flat, so I did. I figured one of two things were either going to happen. I was going to get pulled over for driving slowly on the shoulder of a freeway or someone was going to stop. Miraculously, none of those happened. A semi truck driver was stopped a few miles ahead of me. I had found safety.

An Ohio state trooper had come up to take care of the tow truck driver, and I was able to explain my situation. The state trooper changed my tire for me. However, he didn’t like the look of the spare. So he called a tow truck.

The tow truck arrives and as soon as they start loading my car onto the truck, the donut pops off of my car. So I had found a pet friendly hotel and both me and my cat were brought to safety.

That notion I had to keep on driving was God. I had never heard a voice that was so quiet yet so loud all at the same time.

The next day arrives and I get the tire replaced (I actually need two tires replaced) and bought a spare phone. I made it to my moms safely.

Eventually, I landed a new job at Applebees and went back to Michigan for the rest of my things. I am still able to finish out school.

I’m really beginning to wonder what His plan is for me. After I moved in with my mom, everything had fallen into place so quickly. I had enough money to get by for the next month, I was able to go back to Michigan for the rest of my things, and within my first week of living here, I landed a job at Applebees.

I’m not that stressed anymore, and I’m all around happier. Granted I’m lonely because I don’t know that many people outside of my family but I know it’ll be okay. I’ll get back on my feet again. I’ll finish school, and I’ll become the woman I was meant to be.

I was able to get all of my bills for the month of October taken care of, with just enough to spare for next months.

I am never alone. Even when it feels like it. I truly believe that everything will be okay, even when it seems like it doesn’t. I’m surrounded by family. I’m literally starting over. A new chapter, if you will.

One door closed, and this one opened and I’m headed in at full speed. I don’t want to forget my old life in Michigan (even though most times I wish I would) because it helped shaped me in a way. I became stronger, and for that I am thankful.

I’m excitied to see what the future has to hold. I’m excited becauase for the first time in awhile, I know what it means to really be free.

 

Photo by Madara Parma on Unsplash