Tonight was incredible. It was worship night at my church group. Just singing. Praising. Worshipping.
In that moment, the ground that I was walking on was steady. The earthquake stopped. And the waters were calm.
For the first time, I felt drunk. But not in the usual sense of the word. I was feeling serenity, calm, love, joy, happiness.
I was singing and I meant every word I was singing.
There were no doubts. There was no fear. There was no worry. For the first time in awhile, I truly felt ok.
I wasn’t thinking about work. I wasn’t thinking about what’s going to happen with my license (if anything). I wasn’t running through the list I have in my head over and over again like I usually do.
I felt close to God. I felt close with God. I felt close with the people I was with, and I felt like I belonged.
I’m still not dreading work like I usually do. Maybe it’s because I actually look forward to things on my off days now. Maybe it’s because I got my planner and planned my week out.
Maybe it’s because I started reading again. I don’t know the answer, nor do I want to know the answer. I just hope that this feeling stays. I’m drunk on Gods love and I’m loving the feeling.
Something that not even a bottle of tequila could do. I’m glad I started this journey and I’m glad that I started taking it seriously. Not focused on anything but myself. Which may sound selfish, but it’s teaching me how to be selfless.
I don’t feel as closed off anymore. I’m opening up a little bit at a time. For the first time, I can’t wait to see what the future holds for me.