Burning Out

I feel like I keep coming up with excuses on my blog as to why I’m not blogging.

Truth is, I’m burning out. Between meetings, trying to maintain my social life, and work, my days are becoming harder and harder to manage.

Some days I don’t even wanna get out of bed. Some days, finding the strength to get out of bed is like trying to find a needle in a hay stack.

I pray every night, but I’m not reading my books as often as I should. I feel like I’m a terrible blogger.

I’ve been running on about 5 hours of sleep today. I requested the wrong day off of work (which was nice surprisingly because I had a Saturday off) but I had to be in Detroit by 8 AM this morning to take an exam for a job that I’m going to school for (and I think I did ok). However, I didn’t get home from work until about 11:30 PM on Sunday night.

Gave myself an hour, and was up by 5:45. Running non stop. Car had to go into the shop, went to a meeting, pick up said car and go to work.

Truth is, I’m depressed. I’m worried. I’m scared. Trying not to overwhelm myself (I have no reason to be afraid because God IS on my side whether it feels like it or not).

Ever since I got sober, all of these feelings of regret, resentment, sadness, and anger have been bubbling to the surface. I’m not sure how to deal with them. If I’m being honest, I thought about checking myself into a mental hospital to get help. But I have bills to pay.

I see my therapist Wednesday, but I’m thinking about switching therapists because I feel like nothing is getting resolved at this point. I’ve had the same woman ever since my parents got divorced, which was roughly 8 years ago.

Ever since I got sober, I realized I had no idea who I am. I drank those years away. All because I wanted to feel numb, but here I am again. I’m 21 years old, but mentally, I feel like I’m that same scared 16 year old girl.

Thinking about going on antidepressant/anxiety medication again, because I don’t know what else to do. I need to be productive, I need to help around the house, and I need to stay motivated. How do I do that?

P.S. Time management is clearly not my expertise. So if any of you beautiful readers has any suggestions, please throw them my way. I have 3 sections to maintain, and I want this blog to flourish.

Photo by Chris Barbalis on Unsplash